Five Sure Ways of Ruining a Date
by Princess Hook
Summary: John Smith always hate blind-dates. When his best-friend Amy set him up for one. He uses the five sure ways to ruin the date. Unknown to him his blind-date thinks of doing the same. Doctor/Rose AU ONE-SHOT


**Summary:** John Smith always hate blind-dates. When his best-friend Amy set him up for one. He uses the five sure ways to ruin the date. Unknown to him his blind-date thinks of doing the same. Doctor/Rose AU ONE-SHOT

 **A/N:** I'm trying my hand on something funny and light-hearted since my last one-shot which was kind of angsty. I do not own and will not own Doctor Who. I just own this plot. XD

 **Pairing:** Rose/Doctor. Amy/Rory (Mentioned)

 **Rating:** Teen

 **Genres:** Humor/Romance

 **Five Sure Ways of Ruining a Date**

One thing that Doctor John Smith hates is being on blind-dates. He hates them with a passion, but for some reason his best friend Amelia Pond always fix him up on one. He couldn't refused. The red-haired demon will surely murder him for even trying. Her reasons was very simple. He's near 40 and not having a girlfriend for around twenty years isn't acceptable.

John didn't care much about women. Most people thought he was asexual anyway. He just don't feel much attraction to anyone since his wife's death twenty years ago. He doesn't care for romance. He was very happy for what he's doing with his life. Being a well-known scientist for Torchwood. He felt very full-filled.

He didn't even know how Rory handle his wife and now here he was sitting in a restaurant that was very famous for their French Menu. He just have to ruin this date the best he could. His plan was already laid out for that unlucky woman that agreed to this crap. He choose the table near the bathroom despite the waiter advisement that he could be moved near the window in the front in a booth. With everyone wearing fancy dresses, suits or even tuxedos; he was the only idiot that was just wearing a leather black jacket, torn blue jeans and a torn black undershirt. If his physical appearance that included his chopped hair that was closed of being called shaved, and his big unhuman ears. He was sure his outfit of choice will chase this woman off.

The waiter placed two menus down, one in front of him and the other in front of the empty chair in front of him. The clock on the wall tick and soon it was half past an hour that this mysterious woman supposed to shown up. The waiter gave him a look of pity before heading to the kitchen.

' _Stupid Ape'_

Now John is very much angry. Was this mysterious woman come at all? He's just feel very well embarrassed for even showing up. He was about to stand up to leave when he spot a woman heading his way. She has long blonde haired that reached her back and she was dressed in a stunning crimson dress. When she approached his table. John felt his chest fluttered a bit. She was beautiful. He shook that thought away realizing how young she seemed to be.

Showtime.

She sat down in front of him smiling at him with a false smile. She sat her purse down beside her.

"I'm sorry I'm late." She spoke to him picking up her menu.

First rule of ruining a date.

 **OVERREACTION.**

John scowled at her.

She glanced above her menu.

"I been waiting here about an hour. Being late isn't very attractive." He commented opening up his own menu. He saw her eyes crossed together. John hid that smirk behind his menu.

"Well tell that to my monthly visitor. I'm Rose Tyler by the way. Pleasure." Rose smiled up at him.

John almost choked on literary air. Did she just mention that? So casually on their date? This is one weird woman.

"I wish I could say the same Rose Tyler. I'm Doctor John Smith." He was being rude. He know it. She know it.

"Doctor? That's very interesting. Hopefully, you don't mean you're a dentist. Those can barely be called doctor." Rose sniped turning a page. John could feel small bit of rage bubbling up. That's good. He figured. It makes this much easier to ruin the date.

Step Two

 **BEING RUDE TO THE WAITER.**

The waiter finally arrived and John glanced at his name tag. Mickey. He held open a note-pad in his hand with a pen.

"I'm glad your date arrived, sir. What may I help you both tonight?" Mickey asked politely at the couple but staring at Rose in the corner of his eye with kin interest.

"Finally. I started to wonder if you mucking around in the back Rickey." John snarled at the waiter who flinched. Mickey glared at John but he kept his patience.

"I am sorry for the wait. What would you like to drink?" Rose send him a look across the table. The look that says be nice or else. Rose smiled up at Mickey.

"I will take Pepsi and my date will have water." Rose smiled.

"Excuse me?" John spoke suddenly, as Mickey scrambled something in his pad. The idiot couldn't even remember two drink orders.

"Yeah?" Rose replied cheeky.

"Did you just ordered for me?"

"Have a problem with that?"

John shrugged his shoulders realizing that the waiter had just left to get their drinks. This was one of the worse dates he was ever on and he didn't even know if this ape was doing this on purpose or not.

"Tell me about yourself."

Step three and four.

 **Being Self-Centered and revealing too much.**

"I'm surprised you asked Miss. Tyler. Like I said I'm a doctor and I'm around 40 years old. I have ex-wife who I still very much love even though she dead. Bless her poor soul. I'm the head scientist of Torchwood One. I finished school when I was 14 and received my doctorate at age 18. I doubt anyone is cleverer than me. I love to blow stuff up. Literary, if I see any button I must press it. I always wake up at 5 A.M in the morning every day. I don't know why, because I can go to work around noon. I guess I get nightmares. I love bananas. I must have them every day –Mickey set the drinks down in front of them- I take showers every two days. I like leather. I can't stand stupid apes." John went on and on for about minutes listing any little things about himself off his head and making sure that he cut Rose off each time she spoke. Mickey stared at him.

"That's very delightful." Rose paused.

"I love a man that has personality."

John stared at her in shock.

He blinked.

He blinked twice.

"Eh I hate to interrupt, are you ready to order?" Mickey had the courage to ask, avoid looking at John.

Rose nodded her head.

"Yeah I guess I will have some fish and chips." She reply, closing her menu and handing it to Mickey. Mickey grabbed her menu and stared at John after writing down Rose's order.

"I have the same." John reply, handing Mickey the menu. He walked away a few seconds later.

John glanced at Rose across the table. Taking in her appearance.

Step five.

 **BEING CLINGY ON THE FIRST DATE.**

Rose stood up from her seat.

"I need to use the loo, I'll be right back." That was when John reached across the table and grabbed her hand softly. He softly rubbed tiny circles around her palm. Rose stared at him stunned. Her hand felt very warm with his touch. It felt very right. Then he spoke. His voice soft.

"But….I will miss you….so much if you leave." He uttered.

Rose's breath caught within her throat. This should be a huge turn off, but somehow she found this very enduring. He already felt this much for her in this short period of time? He even revealing so much about him…even though he haven't even let her tell him about herself.

"I just be gone for about two minutes." She chuckled and he let go of her hand with a smile that seemed so fake.

"Okay."

When she left the table. He scowl to himself. She should have walked out on him already. His plan was failing so quickly. He had only one move left just to ruin this. She returned to the table three minutes later. The next ten minutes she was talking, but he toned her out on purpose to see her reaction. Soon their meal came in.

Rose told Mickey thank you, but when he looked at John expecting the same. He rolled his eyes.

"What? Get back to work."

They finished their meals and soon the check came. Rose took out her purse.

"We can go halves." She joked.

This was it.

The last move.

"I left my wallet at home. I realize this about two hours ago. I'm sorry, I might not be able to pay you back." He smirked at her.

His wallet was perfectly in his back pocket, but she didn't need to know that.

Instead of storming out or complaining pulling out the quid's to pay for their meal that he refused to pay.

She let out a huge loud laugh that echoed throughout the restaurant making almost everyone stared at their direction.

John looked at her like she was pure crazy.

"What?"

"Oh it's nothing. I'm just thinking that this date is so horrible that it makes me wonder if you're doing this on purpose. I actually having fun." Rose laughed.

"You're mad." John stated at the blonde-haired woman.

She grinned up at him.

"We just have to do this again."

"You are truly and utterly a mad-woman."

"Thank you, John. I find you quiet dashing myself."


End file.
